Shelagh's Lists

Once I get an idea into my head, I tend to run with it and head to the 'net for research. I also make lists.


Friday, about 5:00PM I pulled out the google and started looking up phone numbers and websites. When I spoke with the friend who inadvertently got me going on this, she told me I needed three documents in order to set up the interment.

1. Daddy's discharge papers (DD214)
2. His death certificate
3. The cremation certificate from the funeral home

To get his discharge papers, I needed either his social security number or military service number. I figured with his dog tags (which I have a set of) the military service number was no problem. But after a little digging, I found out that Daddy's era of military didn't have that number on the dog tags.

Well, crap.

Okay, number two - death certificate. A few googles later and I found out in my section of the state, there were three methods of getting that document.

1. A website called Vitalchek - $9 for the death certificate, $10 for the processing fee.
2. Filling out a form and mailing it directly to the Division of Vital Records - $9 for the death certificate, period.
3. Going in person to the office and picking it up the same day. Over an hour's drive each direction - possibly free for military and their immediate family. But after paying for the gas, the cost would be almost the same as Vitalchek.

It was too late to speak with a human being at the DVR so I documented all that and downloaded the pdf form for option #2.

The name of that pdf?

"Death by Mail"

I'm not making that up.

After some teenager giggling, I began to fill out the form. First snag - I needed his social security number for this form too.

Crap again. Back to the google.

I know people who are *really* good at google research. I'm better than average, but I think I transcended that description on this search.

If you ever need the SS# of a dead family member, check out this site: Social Security Death Master File or this one: Sorted By Name.

I honestly can't remember which of the two I landed on, but the coveted information was on both. They're run by a guy who purchased the entire list just to help people like me. Apparently, Social Security numbers of dead people are now covered under the Freedom of Information Act.
Here's a quote from his disclaimer page:

As a result of a court case under the Freedom of Information Act, SSA is required to release its death information to the public. SSA’s DMF contains the complete and official SSA database extract, as well as updates to the full file of persons reported to SSA as being deceased.

DMF stands for "Death Master File" and the disclaimer states that there could be inaccuracies. But it's still a damned good resource. I'll take it. From that website, I found a number attached to a name with the accurate date of birth (associating the name with his accurate state of birth) and death. 

"Death by Mail" form filled out.

Third on the list was going to be the hardest as the only memory I had of the funeral home was the neighborhood and walking down a long corridor to pick up the ashes.

Let's get in the wayback machine for this odd memory:

The day of the memorial service, I went to pick up Daddy's ashes. A very quiet and appropriately somber place with the aforementioned corridor, the woman at the desk spoke softly and was very kind. There were urns all over the walls and I wondered which one had my father's remains.

She pointed to a little cardboard box on the desk - yep. That was Daddy. I opened the cardboard box and inside was a brown box. Okay, I thought. A little understated, but it seemed to be a nice wooden holder for his remains.

Then the woman had me sign a piece of paper and said "You can have this receipt." Giggles all 'round. I was getting a receipt for my father. *g* She apologized at once and commented that might not have been the wording to use. I reassured her that I needed a good laugh.

When I got the cardboard box to my sister's, we opened it and had another good laugh. What I had thought was wood?

Plastic. My dad's final resting place was in plastic.....

Back to the future, I googled funeral homes with the name of the neighborhood from my memory fragment and called the first one on the list with a glance at the clock, 6:00PM. The woman who answered took down my information, but when I mentioned the long corridor she told me there was no such corridor in their building.

She mentioned another funeral home that *did* have such a corridor. They had closed the location in that neighborhood, but were still in business and she gave me the name.

Undeterred by the clock, I looked up the number and figured I could leave a message but got an actual person. The man on the other end listened to an abbreviated version of my story, took down my phone number, Daddy's name and date of death, and said he'd get back to me on Monday.

Obviously that was as far as I could go on either the death and cremation certificates with phone calls, but I started working on the military records form to get the discharge papers.

Then I made more lists.